I Will Never by Vicki Brewster, May 21, 2004

I Will Never
I will never have the children I dreamed of adopting-
But I do have the children
God planned for me to adopt.
So I will adopt new dreams
for my family and children.
I will never be able to be the mom I want to be.
But I am “their” mom
So I will be the mom they need.
I will never have a “normal” day – one without meds,
doctor appointments, therapy, IEP meetings.
But I do have normal moments.
So I will learn to savor the moments
and take each day as it comes.
I will never be able to assume my children can
follow the simple rules, act appropriately,
understand the consequences of their actions,
or be safe.
But I can surround them with a support system
who will think for them,
remind them of the rules and consequences,
and keep them safe.
So I will be their external brain.
I will never know what my children could have been.
But I can celebrate the wonder of who they are
and what they can become.
So I will give them all the love, support,
encouragement, and the tools they will need
to become productive adults.
I will never be able to change the fact that
the birth mother drank during her pregnancy.
But I can forgive.
So I will not condemn, pass judgment or hate her.
I will never forget the damage that alcohol has done
to my children’s brains.
But I can make a difference for another child.
So I will share my knowledge and experiences
as often as I can.
I will never see another child screaming in a store
and just assume he’s misbehaving due to poor parenting.
But I can sympathize
with the stress and frustrations of meltdowns.
So I will smile
and offer words of encouragement and support to the mother.
I will never hear another horrible news story
about a child in trouble with the law
and not wonder – was he FASD?
But I can pray for them and their families.
So I will pray for the ones in the news
and the ones we don’t read about.
I will never know a bigger joy
than watching my children master a new goal,
remember a rule, or sleep thru the night.
But I can lower my expectations of them and myself.
So I will celebrate with them
every mountain climbed and hurdle crossed.
I will never have a day that is not wholly consumed
with the results of a woman who drank during pregnancy.
But I can raise the community’s awareness,
education and support
of this totally preventable birth defect.
So I will.
So I will.