If you know a teen or adult who needs positive – faith based input – check her site out! I’ve learned so much from my daughter whose life is affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASDs) — Author, Liz Kulp, celebrates life at age 27. She is a published author of two books and winner
Braided Cord Tough Times In and Out
Mom’s Choice Gold Award – Adult Non Fiction – Life Challenges
2012 USA Best Books – Health -Recovery and Addictions.
Best I Can Be Living with FASD (Revised 2013!)
Mom’s Choice Gold Award – Best Contributing Young Author
Committed to each other for a life
worth living – walking the road
of FASD together
(Poem circa 2008)
Alas I sit,
glued to a place of undoing and unmaking
of all the mistakes I have achieved
or contemplated making.
Waiting for renewed independence.
Proving to you who I am
and who I can be
and who I shall become.
No longer broken, but bent
Bent upon making a difference
with different choices and
Reframing my thoughts
and laying down my rebellion
to fight for a future
instead of wants I thought
I so needed but didn’t
An though committed by a decree
that states I am an “other”
in need ot care and watchful eyes
I have learned what commitment
truly is – that it is the love
of family who remains
hopeful and helpful
that it is the love of
my sweetheart who
that it is a belief in myself
that I can do and be better
and emerge from
a state run commitment
to a self formed commitment
of being true to myself
and all of you.
For persons with hidden differences these conflicts can be invisible until there are so many that the person explodes. One hurt builds upon another hurt and no one sees it happening. Conflict self-care is an individual responsibility, but how can we manage it before it grows out of control especially if we deal with FASD, ADHD, SID, ASD and all those other silly D’s.
Some of the things that may cause hidden conflicts others do not see or understand:
When I am blamed for something I didn’t do, it is easy to immediately go on the defense because I am not able to confidently dance verbally around the reality. I don’t know what words to use to protect myself so I go off to keep the person away.
When someone uses a big voice instead of speaking to me with kindness, I can feel the hard or aggressive tone and when I feel that tone I am triggered. It is different coming from a woman or a man. From a man it is deeper and I may be triggered quicker because I believe at that moment they are being mean and I react to protect myself. I go into defense to defend myself and I do it without thinking I simply react. With a woman when the voice is firm or bratty, it doesn’t make my heart jump so I am not on automatic snap, but I may still be rude to give myself time to think about what just happened.
When plans are quickly changed it is overwhelming and frustrating because I have worked my schedule around the situation, and navigated to get there which can be very difficult on public transportation or relying on another person. I even have to sometimes reschedule my medication times to make an appointment work, so I can be functional at that appointment. I know people without my differences don’t understand the extreme rudeness change is for me and how it affects my life.
1. When your heart is upside down – BREATHE first!
BREATHE – Something has turned your heart upside down… frustration, confusion, bully behaviors, overwhelming situations or just life in general. Realize emotions you may consider negative like anger and pain are not always bad.
BREATHE deeply into you belly until you can hold no more air think ‘I can get through this, I can handle this, I can do this.’ (One way is to count in 7 short breaths)
BREATHE out your feelings of hurt or anger until you have no air left in your lungs and you need to take another breath. Repeat. (One way is to blow out 8 – 1 long breath and the 7 short breaths)
Do this as many times as you need to… Repeat – repeat – repeat
If breathing is not working –
2. Place your hands together and press hard
PRESS YOUR HANDS TOGETHER HARD (like praying flat hands) AND BREATHE- Continue breathing and press your hands together hard. This is when I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding.”
RAISE YOUR PRESSED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND BREATHE – This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding.”
RAISE YOUR PRESSED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD, MAKE A BIG CIRCLE OUT AND BREATHE – This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding” or sometimes by this time I can simply be quiet….
If I am still overwhelmed –
3. Grasp your hands together and hang on for the ride!
GRASP YOUR HANDS TOGETHER (like folded praying hands) AND HOLD ON TIGHT NOW BREATHE- Continue breathing and grasp your hands together hard. This is when I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law.” Try to relax your hands as you breathe.
RAISE YOUR GRASPED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND BREATHE – This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law.” Try to relax your hands as you breathe.
RAISE YOUR GRASPED HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD, MAKE A BIG CIRCLE OUT AND BREATHE – This helps the tightness I feel in my shoulders, arms and neck. I continue to I say “_______, give me love, peace, joy and understanding. Against such things there is no law.” Try to relax your hands as you breathe. Usually by this time I am ready for a walk or thinking time.
Open your new heart –
4. From your praying or grasped hands open your hands into a new heart – now right side up!
TAKE A MOMENT FOR YOURSELF – Give yourself a pat on the back for stepping through another hard place. Go for a walk, listen to music that is peaceful, look at something in nature that is beautiful to you (clouds, flowers, trees, animals).
Take the next step –
5. Reach out to another person and share your new wisdom.
IF YOU LEARNED SOMETHING NEW from this experience of riding your anger safely through a cycle let someone you love know what happened, how you managed it, what you plan to do again and what the person can do to help you navigate this if needed.
Do the best that you can.
Each one of us can reach another in kindness and love.
Do something for another today.
Special thank you to POWER PEOPLE
Sam, Liz and David – for their counsel in the development of this program.
Please share in fullness with our connections – 2013 Better Endings New Beginnings
by Liz Kulp A story you won’t forget. Visit her website
Liz Kulp, winner of Gold Mom’s Choice – Life Challenged 2011 and Outstanding Young Contributor in 2009 for The Best I Can Be Living with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Effects offers readers a rare
“new” opportunity of understanding adult transition with FASD.
There is always a feeling of awe when you are handed the first copy of your book. I loved the look in Liz’s eyes when she held her new project. (click to order learn more)
Liz was diagnosed with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) as a young teen. Knowing her challenges and understanding her strengths helped her graduate from public high school and strive to move on to independent adulthood like her peers. But, she soon learned that life within the context of a family that understood and helped her gain the desire for independence had not prepared her to live in a world filled with predators and abstract thinking. Liz unashamedly lets readers inside the hidden world of adult transition for many of our young people with FASD.
“Stunning. Absolutely stunning.”
– Deb Evensen, FASD Behavior Specialist, FASAlaska
“Wow Liz this is one fantastic book. I can’t tell you how impressed I am. This is a best seller.”
– Renae Sanford, FASD Educator and Family Support Person
“After reading Braided Cord Tough Times In and Out I wanted to shout out to all social workers, adoption workers, foster parents, and adoptive parents ‘You have to read this book!’”
– Ruth A. Rice, Mental Health Practioner, Birth Mom, Adoptive Mom
“Heart wrenching, yet inspiring! There is so much that Liz Kulp can teach about FASD because she has lived it. From her lowest lows to her highest highs, we need to listen to her song.”
– Victoria Deasey, M.S.Ed, Cert AVT, CED, Teacher/Therapist/Parent Coach/Consultant
“Once again, Liz and Jodee have handed us exactly the book we’ve been waiting for. Braided Cord is an unfinished story of resiliency, courage and love. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life as it continues to unfold. Your honesty is a light for the rest of us.”
Direct links provided for discount – Just add coupon code JZLZLVT2 to order – you can simply click special link for each book provided below. Any reviews or comments on our books are appreciated. Happy September 9 – for larger quantity please message me and I can get you a deal.
Grandpa died on Friday
And I really did my best
My mom left home without me
And my dad was put to the test
My father is a woodworker
Like my grandfather before
And my uncle asked my daddy
To make the box for grandpa to soar
And so I went to my friend’s house
And had a really good time
I missed the mortuary
So I wouldn’t stand in line
I called upon my mother
who was busy as can be
Writing up the remembrances
and an obituary
I asked her to please come home
And do my pretty hair
I wanted my sweet Grandpapa to
Really know I cared.
But she said I’m sorry darling
I can’t come home tonight.
I am sleeping with your Grandma
Go to bed, turn out the lights
I went downstairs the best I could
It was actually time for meds
I could feel my hands shaking
But decided not to go to bed
Instead I stayed up fixing
And fixing my pretty hair
And nothing seemed to be working
As I thought of grandpa
A way up there.
In a mighty fit of frustration
I pulled out and then redid
Only to see in the morning
There were bald spots on my head
I picked my clothes out carefully
Something grandpa would care
A bright red shirt and blue jeans
And barrettes for my hair
I worked til’ almost morning
The sun was about to rise
I took my medication and
Closed my pretty eyes
I didn’t hear the alarm clock
Dad jumped me out of bed
We’re leaving in five minutes
Was all I heard he said.
I grabbed the red shirt I’d chosen
I jumped into my jeans
This wasn’t how I wanted it
I hate being me.
I wanted to look pretty
I wanted to do my best
Instead I went overmedicated
And looked a sorry mess
The red shirt I was wearing
Looked like a club night
And the jeans I jumped into
Were not at all right.
The medication was humming
As we pulled quickly away
And I could tell inside myself
It was going to be a terrible day.
I did my best to be happy
I forgot my morning meds
I wanted to show everyone
How hard I’d worked to be
My very best.
We missed the visitation
We almost missed the church
I missed the long progression
That headed with the hearse
I missed the soldiers shooting
I missed putting grandpa in his grave
I finally understood this was not a very good way
I wanted to hold my mother
Who was busy for her dad
I wanted to hug my family
Who seemed sometimes happy sometimes sad
I didn’t eat a breakfast, and I forgot a snack
I even forgot the medication that I usually pack
I called my dad to say sorry
I tried really hard to be nice
But it got really obvious
People were looking at me twice.
My Auntie told be about the rose
Thar laid upon the stone
And I went to say goodbye to grandpa
When I was alone.
I looked upon each stone I saw
Holding eagles, plaques and pain
Not one stone held the rose
I felt I was insane
I went back home to tell them
That it was no longer there
My Auntie said go back again
And look down and stare
The rose will have grandpa’s name
I really know you care
I watched my feet a walking
And the rose still had it’s stick
But the stone they had told me to find
Was actually a brick.
She’s 22, I overhead
She’s able to behave
She’s doing drugs another said
My grandpa in the grave
I ran away to grandpa who was watching way up high
And I marched around the little town trying not to cry
Lost and scared and empty
My Auntie took me in
And we journeyed to the jail house
To prove I didn’t sin
I looked into the mirror
At my face when I can home
And I soon discovered I was not alone
My mother saw the bare spots that covered over my head
And I went into the bedroom to get my pretty shirt of red.
I held it up before her and I looked into her eyes
And we finally held each other
And she finally cried
And I told her that I loved her
And I said it was too bad
And I told her I love daddy
Who is my real dad
And I told her not to worry
Because I knew something true
That Grandpa saw me for who I was
And that she did too
She showed me the spent chamber they shot for grandpa today
Grandpa knows I’m a good girl, was all that I could say.